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I’m trying to get some energy together to get up and clean this floor before I go to sleep.

I almost had a day off a few days ago. I ended up working. It doesn’t look like any free days for a while. It’s not that big of a deal. I really have to schedule some things a little better though.

Get at least one extra chore done a day. It’s not much. My attention span is pretty short though. I can get distracted from room to room. ADHD? Chronic stress? PTSD? Mix of it all????

Whatever the reason, Im always trying to find the best method to keep up.

Unfortunately, while the violent man and his violent minions were working on the house next door. Things got very unorganized around my home. It’s going to take a while to put things back together from that extended traumatic experience. The destruction along the property line is not even close to dealt with either. So it’s a lot on my plate every day.

I really want to get up and get to this floor in this room tonight. It’ll feel like a success, on top of the good day I’ve had surrounded by animals.

My feed has been filled with horoscope posts lately 😂 I am drawn to watch reels about Aries traits. It makes me feel so seen.

I wish I could have had someone around throughout my life who could have accepted me just as I am.

There’s never been anything wrong with me although my family has always been filled with people who wouldn’t love me or appreciate me for just being the person I am.

Any sign of my personality was squashed, shit down, and shamed.

It took me so long, decades, to see the gaslighting, the cruelty.

I learned too early not to talk. So most of my life my words were few.

When I talk though it’s honest. I don’t play games. I don’t say anything I don’t mean. Or anything I don’t believe.

It’s painful to look back and hear how many times those who should have loved me took my words and twisted them.

Always an interpretation. A translation. My ex used to do the opposite of what I would say or ask. I’d cry and he’d say his mother and my mother would tell him I always said the opposite of what I wanted.

So if I needed rest. He’d throw the kids in the room with me. If I hoped we could spend time together he would leave to see friends etc…

I wonder sometimes if there’s misogyny in some of it. I’m supposed to be playing passive aggressive mother games or something.

I’ve heard that so much. I’ll say a thing and it comes back that I am trying to get something or something opposite of what I’m saying???

I’m can’t even put this into words because it’s nowhere in my makeup!

So these people that are supposed to love me, care about me. Never took a minute to hear that I am always just saying a fact as I know it.

If I don’t know what I think. I’ve got nothing to say about a thing. It’s pretty straight forward.

The few people who hear me and appreciate my directness, my honesty, my loyalty, have saved my heart from being crushed altogether.

And there are not many of them.

That’s all I’ve ever wanted from the people in my life. Honesty, honesty, honesty, and some loyalty.

I love my job walking dogs. They give me all of that❤️❤️❤️🤣🤣

I’m sitting outside with the dogs. It’s cold. I’m debating turning in a heater or letting it chill the house.

After the humid week the cold feels so nice! Maybe I’ll just put a small heater on in the bedroom and let the cold air out the rest of the house.

Labor Day reminds me of upcoming holidays. I’m going to write those feelings down sometime this week. More trauma work to do. It has been too damaging to my health to internalize the pain for these long decades. I’ll never let anyone take my voice again

My yard needs more wildlife cameras so I can see what goes on with the animals.

Poor little Blue has a hurt foot. He is staying close so I am keeping an eye on him. I always try to find help when we need it. There is never anyone to help. No back up. No neighbors nearby who like animals. Definitely no one nearby who loves and appreciates all the animals like I do.

It sucks. Someday i hope to have better people around us. It’s exhausting being surrounded by animal abusers and worthless apathetic people.

Too many animals have shown up with injured feet over the past few months.

Now that I know the people across the street like to be scumbag animal abusers. I have to include the possibility that they have some responsibility. It could be what the violent man set up on the property line.

The city refused and refuses to look at it. I have sent pictures to people throughout the city, state, and some federal people that may have some way to help. I will keep talking about until it’s safe and clear of this horrible man.

I have tried to fix the situation so the local animals are not definitely injured over there, but there are very large pieces of construction debris. There are spots where my fence is bowing and always on the verge of breaking. Half my fence boards were knocked off by the force the violent workers used to throw rocks at my fence and cats.

That’s how they directly murdered three cats.

I’ve moved many of the rocks and cement against the nails they drove through to stick out 3-4 inches on my side of the fence.

But I worry that they could still be getting hurt over there, if not by the other neighbors across the street.

It’s all the fault of the violent man. These animals were here, living in peace, for a long time. Since long before I moved here. The people across the street used to say they liked having them around, but weren’t animal people. Now they are just plain, disgusting animal abusers because they decided to follow a pathetic narcissist like tiny minded minions.

It will always shock me that the people around me turn away from the neighborhood animals. I’m used to people bullying me and thinking I’m not going to say something. (Just because I stand alone doesn’t mean I’m weak.)

But to refuse to step up when you are given evidence that the animals in your yard need you is shocking.

One woman who walks down my street sometimes told me she flips off the violent man’s house when she walks by 😂 The signs of the toxicity from that house are all over it. She is right to do that. Thank you to her.

I’d like the paw injuries to stop altogether. I don’t want to see any animal limping through this neighborhood again. I should not be the only person around here to care about the well being of the wildlife, the cats, and any dogs that may get loose around here.

For now, Blue is cuddled with his brothers. Hopefully he heals up quickly❤️

I love them all so much. If I could afford to bring them all inside safely I would. I have warm, cozy beds for them though. And I’ll watch over them as much as I can