It’s just business

Yikes. That’s a line from a movie about murderous criminals. It’s wild that anyone would use a line like that in their day to day life. Like ‘greed is good’. Also a line from unsavory characters.

I would not be able to calculate how many times my dad has said that or ‘business comes first’. It would be as much, or more, than the number of cherubs my mother had around her home. One might as well try to count the number of stars in the sky.

Wow, I feel too many emotions just writing that.

I think about the people they are and wonder how I survived at all.

Any sign of who I am as a person was, and is, immediately squashed, suppressed, shamed, and bullied right away.

I was a constant disappointment for not being replicas of them. So it’s you’re just like your mother/father.

I was shamed out of anything that showed a bit of me so much that I never knew who that was. Im just starting to now. at 58. So much life not lived. So many things I could have done or been.

I am fighting for the space and time to get to be this person. Why does it still have to be so hard?

I’m still surrounded by people trying to bully and abuse me and my home. I still have to spend so much of my time and energy to protecting ex animals that live around here. I have to constantly protect myself while I am in my home.

I’ve been made to feel unsafe in my home and unsafe from my neighbors. And I will never forgive any of these people who have been involved in harassing me or harming animals.

The men next door have yet to face any real consequences for injuring and killing multiple cats. They have not had to pay for multiple crimes against me and my property.

I still hope and wish to get legal help to recover financial losses and to be free of further harm by these people.

I won’t forgive. That’s for sure. I will never trust anyone in this neighborhood. I will never have faith in anyone from the city of CH. They have let these men get away with a massive list of crimes and destruction to my life and my business. They have helped him harass me at times and I won’t ever forget that or trust them.

What I can say about me is that I have never and will never be like them.

I would never cause harm or damage. I have never retaliated in kind. Never caused destruction of property, harmed an animal, slandered, stolen, or any of the despicable and illegal things these people have done to me.

I will always be better than that. Better than them.

I reached out for help. Wrote letters, provided proof, pictures, and complete honesty.

I asked neighbors to help me and to stand up with me against the violence towards me and the animals. I will never forgive these neighbors.

I will continue to speak out for every animal around me. I will protect them as best as I can. Obviously alone here. I will never stoop down to the level of behavior I have endured from others here and now, and past abusers.

I have love for nature. That’s who I am. This earth is magically beautiful! Even if all I can do in this life is protect the living things around my home. That’s what I will do. Fiercely and unconditionally.