Monday morning

I woke up so late today. Some animals found that frustrating 😂

This weekend was extremely busy with all the furry friends I was looking after. Beautiful weather, naps, and lots of cuteness. Im grateful for the sweet animals.

Of course, my over stressed spirit brings the bad things up during these times too. I am still constantly working to be ready to leave these things behind and let the perpetrators keep their evil deeds. In the meantime I am also going to be noting these things so they are not looming around all day.

I was enjoying these lovely creatures, miracles and blessings! And my dad laughing at my empathy and love crept into my thoughts.

Every time. I express or show my empathy, my love, my enjoyment of the beautiful earth and animals we are blessed with and he laughs at me. He calls it stupid. He says all his horrible things about lives being expendable. I’ve listened my whole life to his disgusting beliefs about children and animals not having real feelings. Because he is a man who looks like he does people don’t pay attention to his words. It’s always been like that. Right out in the open. He says sociopathic stuff and people just smile and swoon over him.

When I took my sweet Lucy in for surgery to save her precious life. He was disappointed. Literally. He told me he was disappointed. He said I wasted time and money on a worthless cats life. Get another cat. It’s not worth the money to save one.

I am a scapegoat to that family. I was never welcome. I have begged to be heard and understood.

Is it because of my empathy? Is it because abuse I treasure these lives? Why?

The cruelty of denying a person a part in the family they were born into is an evil I’ve never understood.

These people don’t even know me. They kept me from speaking my whole life. They kept me from living a life. They kept me from growing and becoming the person I could have been. Whe I tried to speak I was shunned and blocked. When I begged to be heard I was slandered and vilified. And the truth is that I have never in my life tried to hurt another. is that why they’ve done these things? I can’t understand the harsh and cruel games some people play. I can’t engage because it makes no sense to me.

I’m not giving up my empathy. Never. I look at the possibilities of what my life could have been. What I was denied and it’s painful. But I won’t be like those kind of people.

I often wish I could have people around me who cherish the good. I know there are plenty of, none near me.