Stressed for the new week

There’s been a lull in harassment. There was a man trespassing this week. But the past few years have been a constant onslaught by so many men. Violence, harassment, destruction, killing and harming animals. This man who is obsessed with harming me gets every man who works for him to harass and harm. He has gotten men who work for the city to help him. It’s been terrifying. I have some things to do for myself but it gets difficult to move most of the time.

I keep hoping that all of my reaching out to people, agencies, anyone really has done enough to bring me justice and peace. I keep looking for apologies. I keep hoping that someone will take accountability, or be forced to, and hand over something to start making up for all of the loss I’ve suffered because of this violence.

However, I have experienced mostly people wanting to join in the abuse, willing to harm animals and me further. I would hire a lawyer if I could. I have tried, I’ll hope for cash for legal help.

Why? Why do people like this get help doing this? I can’t get relief from the always looming threat of danger. I have to repair every part of my life now. It’s all destroyed. My finances, my business, my health, my garden, everything. But without some verification that won’t be harassed by any of these men the next day it’s impossible to really move forward. I always have to stay aware. I’m can’t leave my home without checking my cameras often. If I have a day where I have time to rest, maybe nap, without fail there is one or more of these men around. It’s constant still. Even with the short term renters coming and going over there there is still the constant need to be aware. That man or one of his minions will be here spreading poison to kill cats, throwing trash, rocks, and chemicals into my yard, setting up any manner of ways to try to hurt cats and me. It’s bizarre. It’s obsessive. It’s all been extremely illegal. But I can’t even get anyone to take the murder of these cats seriously. The threat to my safety and the destruction of my life is nothing to anyone. He has committed many felonies, broken many laws. I want to see some of these men face consequences and I want compensation to make up for my losses. I want to be free of this harassment while I am in my home. This is my right and it’s ignored.

My stomach is still hurting today. I have such a wonderful time with the animals in my life. I should be living a simple life with time to spare to care for myself and my home. That’s all I want.

Unfortunately, my dad has helped to encourage this man’s violence. I saw it happening. It’s not the first time. he would talk to this man. I know what he does. He will have a contact. Bond with another man. He’s emboldened many men who have hurt me. Since I have memories, I have memories of him being friendly with men who have raped me, stolen from me, or just been misogynistic and cruel to me. I begged him to stand behind me this time. Just once in my life protect me from the violent man instead of being friends with the violent man. But he could only betray me and hurt me more than I could describe. He had another chance to not do the things that support and encourage a man to abuse me. I don’t know how to explain or even wrap my thoughts around how the lifetime of betrayal by my dad has affected my life. He doesn’t even accept that his actions affect me. He will watch me cry and say his actions don’t affect me or anyone. He sounds like a sociopath. In fact, I came across the Ted Bundy tapes years ago. If you take out the talk of corpses it is like a conversation with Ken. My dad, Ken, repeatedly says the exact same deflections. Word for word, I’ve heard every deflection and every thought on Bundy’s tapes come from my dad’s mouth. So, I never know if people who have contact with him will take advantage of the opportunity to do what this man next door does.

I’ve never had anyone who would stand up for me, stand with me. Now I’m sure I’ll never trust anyone really.

I have to think of the positive things for the rest of the night. I still have to keep a watch out for violent men- always.

It’s starting to get hot. Heat wave this week. I’ll set up ice baths and frozen treats first my pup friends. I need to fill the freezer with ice for the animals outside. It’ll be a quiet week.