My brother was my first abuser. Brian Conley, born Douglas Brian Conley, December 16,1963. He tormented me, scared me, teased and terrified me. He and his friends sexually assaulted me and scared me into never talking about it.
He has found ways to harm me many times since, even though he was not in my life a lot past the time we moved out of Lyndhurst.
My childhood was filled with tears and fear. Night terrors and confusion. Mostly isolation.
He has never faced any consequences. He has never gone anywhere near feeling remorse or taking accountability for the trauma I suffered at his hands.
What did happen was a lifetime of neglect and isolation.
I was a scapegoat and a target. I was abused by predators who saw my vulnerability from mikes away.
As I grew older and faced more assaults, I became more depressed and confused by the world.
My family ignored all of it and left me alone most of the time.
It was a terrible and lonely childhood. When I cried, my dad would be angry and tell me how I fly, worthless , and stupid I was.
I have tried at times to reach out and bring up things. I’ve wanted to be heard and seen.
I tried many times to talk to my dad’s wife. I started trying not long after he moved in with her. She would immediately tell my dad and I’d be stuck with his misogyny and hatred of me.
I used to occasionally call his mom and chat with her. He would tell me not to bother her.
Any time I would make the attempt to reach out. There is my dad stopping me.
His wife has sisters, aunts, nieces, and an adopted daughter. My brother has a wife, three daughters.
I think there’s extended family, I’ve always been isolated so I don’t know how much family there is.
I have even tried to talk to an aunt of mine who I don’t know well. Elaine sent me a thumbs up. Idk what that means.
All of these women just accept that only Ken can talk to me. Brian says his life is better without me, his victim, and that’s acceptable to all of these women.
Two men want me isolated, removed from my birth family, and slandered. And this is ok with all of these women.
I know these things happen to men too. Vulnerable men are scapegoated and abused too often as well. And it’s terrible.
But in my situation, misogyny is such a big part of this. If these men want to erase me, I’m disposable to all of them
Any response from me is turned into something I’m doing to them. If I try to reason, explain, if I cry, if I’m angry, if I’m quiet, depressed, it doesn’t matter. I am bad no matter what. And I have all of those emotions at different times. Of course I do! I’m human, but not to them.
I have kept so much of my life and pain to myself for so most of my life because I had no one to trust. I still don’t. I probably would never have shared anything had the abuse not gotten to be more than I could physically carry.
I even tried to bring the subject of my history with my daughters a couple times. They made it clear they are not interested in knowing anything about me. they have made up their minds that I am going to be whatever they decide I am. So it became the same situation. No matter what I say or do, I am punished for the translation they have for my words and actions. I say ‘the sky is blue’ they say I am trying to make some hateful judgement one someone?? It’s maddening!
I tried so hard to tell them it hurts when they do that. I know it’s always been hard for me to talk about me, my thoughts and feelings. So others make their own assumptions.
My voice was taken from me when I was a toddler. My silence was demanded over and over throughout my life.
The people who are supposed to love me and who are supposed to want to help me navigate into a more open and safe life have only punished me for my forced silence.
All of these women who are family betray me every day. I look at every story of every woman who can’t speak up and it hits so hard every time. My heart breaks for me and all of us who are villainized for both staying silent and suffering and for not staying silent and inconveniencing the poor men.
Ken has enjoyed rubbing in how much they don’t care. Sometimes he would call or stop by to tell me about the family gathering around to help a family member in need. He would go in about how wonderful they are to each other to me, away from everyone, in isolation, telling me not to call or bother anyone.
That’s Kenneth Conley, founder of MainSail, used to be in Beachwood, Oh might still be there. My abusive brother Brian Conley seems to be in charge now??
I hold every woman in the Conley family as guilty of the extended abuse, the exclusion, and misogyny and slander as Ken and Brian
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