Late night

It’s 10:30 and a m just sitting down. Long, very hot day. Dogs were able to get a few zoomies and short walks in between resting. I’ve spent a bunch of money on bags of ice to fill up water dishes outside. A couple of cats just sit by the ice. Poor sweethearts. I’ve barely seen the few animals here at all. I can’t wait for the cool down now. Both to count little animal faces outside and to have things easier on my pup friends.

I managed to get some emails sent and payments made and scheduled. But mostly it’s been managing the animals and the heat.

I kept having an uncomfortable thought creep in my mind today. I’m writing things down from my memories of my life, family, and traumatic events. It’s important for me to do this. The past few years were too much. It’s impossible for me to keep everything internalized now. The physical results of being coerced into shutting up and staying isolated are very, very real. It doesn’t matter to me if anyone reads this or not. I hope not actually.

But I know what I face if my dad sees that I am being open about my experiences. He will show up at my house. All angry and mean. He will jab his finger angrily at me, puffing himself up and towering over me. He will be mean and threatening while I beg him to please think of me like I’m his daughter. It won’t matter what has happened to me, how any of them have isolated, slandered, and scapegoated me. I will be punished.

I cry. It breaks me every time he does it. Of course it does. He won’t care.

It’s weird that it still hurts that I was born hated by that family even though I know they are not good people.

I have ice packs stuffed in my sheets so I can relax. Tomorrow looks like there will be some clouds and maybe rain. I want to spend some time taking pictures of some of the plants. I haven’t had a chance in the past few years to start creating my garden. I haven’t so many ideas and hopes. For years I’ve used my Amazon wish lists to store ideas. It’s easier than lists or sketches. And less depressing when I can’t start stuff. SO… there are TONS of plant wish lists and garden ideas. The English ivy I had started to remove all those years ago has flourished. It’s going to be replaced with some native ground covers. Some have volunteered already🌱😃

Oh yeah. OSU brought their bee house! I have some visiting bees for a few months now🐝🐝🐝 so wonderful. I want to see if I can get some pictures of gem at work this year.

Going to check out my Pinterest now. And read about the Amazon affiliate program. Maybe I’ll sort through my massive wish lists and try to see if I can figure out a way to combine those things. I may be too tired to be creative, or just tired enough