Honesty

My feed has been filled with horoscope posts lately 😂 I am drawn to watch reels about Aries traits. It makes me feel so seen.

I wish I could have had someone around throughout my life who could have accepted me just as I am.

There’s never been anything wrong with me although my family has always been filled with people who wouldn’t love me or appreciate me for just being the person I am.

Any sign of my personality was squashed, shit down, and shamed.

It took me so long, decades, to see the gaslighting, the cruelty.

I learned too early not to talk. So most of my life my words were few.

When I talk though it’s honest. I don’t play games. I don’t say anything I don’t mean. Or anything I don’t believe.

It’s painful to look back and hear how many times those who should have loved me took my words and twisted them.

Always an interpretation. A translation. My ex used to do the opposite of what I would say or ask. I’d cry and he’d say his mother and my mother would tell him I always said the opposite of what I wanted.

So if I needed rest. He’d throw the kids in the room with me. If I hoped we could spend time together he would leave to see friends etc…

I wonder sometimes if there’s misogyny in some of it. I’m supposed to be playing passive aggressive mother games or something.

I’ve heard that so much. I’ll say a thing and it comes back that I am trying to get something or something opposite of what I’m saying???

I’m can’t even put this into words because it’s nowhere in my makeup!

So these people that are supposed to love me, care about me. Never took a minute to hear that I am always just saying a fact as I know it.

If I don’t know what I think. I’ve got nothing to say about a thing. It’s pretty straight forward.

The few people who hear me and appreciate my directness, my honesty, my loyalty, have saved my heart from being crushed altogether.

And there are not many of them.

That’s all I’ve ever wanted from the people in my life. Honesty, honesty, honesty, and some loyalty.

I love my job walking dogs. They give me all of that❤️❤️❤️🤣🤣