Wednesday

I woke up with too much stress weighing me down-ugh

This journal was meant to be the notes of my healing. I so rarely get moments to think about myself and how to get to that struggle to start healing. I’m exhausted from other people’s bad spirits. There’s too many of them.

I started crying at the park this morning. I avoid suburban parks because suburban people are the most rude and selfish people. It’s a disease. The plastic lifestyle kills people’s souls.

I’m still missing some of the animals around my home. There were so few left from the violence of that man so it’s noticeable when they are missing. A baby skunk came over pressed right up to its mommy❤️❤️

Money is an issue right now. My business was thriving before that violent man bought the house next door. Every area of my life has been devastated by the abuse. I made some journals and I don’t know how to get them sold. They are good. I know it. I’ve spent the past years mourning the loss of a beautiful, healthy neighborhood ecosystem. And I put all those memories and my wishes for the future into these journals. They have a simple structure and unlimited refill pages. I’m working every day on this and other projects. I need them to sell!

All I want is a quiet life surrounded by animals and plants. I deserve happiness!

I’m still going to have to get my mother’s death story down. What I went through from the Conleys was the worst abuse I’ve ever faced. I begged them to stop hurting me. In tears, on the phone, begging. They love to hurt me, scapegoat me, and isolate me. I know they feel they are punishing my mother. They refuse to see me as a person separate from her. So I’ve suffered because they couldn’t hurt her for whatever they think she was.

It’s too much pain. It’s overflows and paralyzes my life. I have always deserved so much better.

I’ve always dreamed of getting lawyers to stop their slander and defamation. Now I dream of lawyers to recover my lost life and money from the violent man. And I dream of him and his employees facing consequences for their crimes.

I’ve always assumed I have some sort of adhd. I have tried in the past to see if there are any records from my childhood. My parents would definitely have refused to support anything good happening for me.

I think they know this and I think they justify not accepting me as a real person because I am not like them.

I have always deserved SO MUCH better

I have one of those small single premixed drinks. I’m going to sip and watch some tv. Maybe trim the cat’a nails. Definitely snuggle Franklin the beagle 🥰

Dinners are done. I’m almost done with the cleanup and set up for morning. I love these sweet animals. I want to see things improve in my life so I can have more time to enjoy them. 🐈‍⬛🐝🦮🦨🦝🐿️🐦‍⬛

This is a rant today!

I found some wild chicory. Very pretty. So that’s my post picture today